Dragon Age II Playthrough - Up High, Down Low, Too... Dark?

One year later, Chickene is wearing mage garb with Red Iron colors, but somehow hasn't gained any experience points. I didn't realize we owed those to Meeran, too. Regardless, word has reached Kirkwall of Amastacia's improbable victory over the Archdemon, so a dwarf named Bartrand Tethras is planning an expedition to loot the Deep Roads now that the horde has been temporarily thinned out. Our scene opens with the Hawke brothers pestering Bartrand about joining up with that. The dwarf can tell they're just looking for a meal ticket though, and tells them to sod off.

An expedition to the Deep Roads has a high risk of death, even in ideal circumstances.
You know times are tough when you're fighting for a chance at an early grave.

Carver tries to get Chickene to be more persuasive but he responds with the "I'm the older brother so I'M in charge!" routine. Bartrand has definitely heard enough after that. Chickene is more apologetic afterwards, as they contemplate their options now that their contact with the Red Iron is at an end. They're interrupted by a pickpocket stealing Chickene's coinpurse, though.

Just as suddenly as the theft happens, a familiar-looking dwarf shoots the thief with an elaborate crossbow as he's escaping, pinning him to a wall. Our narrator picked a great time to join the actual game, kindly suggesting that the thief find a new career as he takes the purse back, pulls the bolt out and gives him a parting left hook. Tossing the coins back to Chickene, he introduces himself as Varric Tethras and says his brother Bartrand spoke too soon. He tells us what the expedition really needs is a partner to finance it.

"Elaborate crossbow" basically means "shotgun" judging by the looks of this thing.

Annoyed, we point out that if we could afford that, we wouldn't be begging for a job as his caravan guards. Varric's heard of what we did for the Red Iron though, and is confident that between his connections and our capabilities, we can raise enough coin. Then, as Bartrand's partners, we'll see a larger return on our investment. We make a deal and Varric joins our party along with his crossbow "Bianca". Carver mentions that Aveline joined the city guard and we should check with her about bounties, too. So, we make the Viscount's Keep our first destination.

Kirkwall, like Denerim in Origins, is a large city with several districts that can be traveled to via the map screen. Hightown is where the all the estates and wealthy merchants can be found. The Hawke family, however, live in the poorer section called Lowtown. There's also an undercity called Darktown where the criminal element likes to hang out. The Viscount's Keep is, of course, located at the far end of Hightown and has its own icon on the map.

Not shown: Middletown, Dimtown, Slightly Curved Town and Unremarkabletown.

Aveline is hanging out in the guard barracks in the basement of the keep. She barely notices when we greet her, as she's preoccupied with a wooden beam that has a bunch of notes attached to it. Apparently, she takes this whole 'stick to your post' thing quite literally. She eventually snaps out of duty mode and tells us that she might have a job for us. There are caravans being robbed without any discernable pattern and no one's really looking into it. She has an idea of what the next target is and wants us to help set up an ambush... and yes, we'll be paid, since it's an accepted practice for the city guard to hire freelancers.

Aveline joins Chickene, Carver and Varric to form the always popular 4 member party. Before we head out though, we decide to see what Gamlen's house in Lowtown looks like. It's about as unimpressive as you'd expect. It's two and a half dingy rooms that are nowhere near big enough for four adults and our loyal mabari warhound... that we've never seen until just now. The dog isn't a full party member this time around, but you can summon him in battle and give him a name. Since the house resembles a junk pile and that reminds me of Katamari Damacy, I decide to call him "King Cosmos".

"Don’t presume to take the escalator up to the throne just because you’re the protagonist. Woo, tangent."

We also take the time while we're here to badger Gamlen again about what exactly happened to the estate. Leandra asks specifically about her father's will and Gamlen says it was read, nothing was in it, so it went into a vault. Chickene angrily tells him that's he's obviously hiding something, then gently suggests that if nothing's in it, there's no harm in getting it out of the vault. Gamlen deflects us again by saying the new owners have the place locked up tight. It turns out Carver learned something about that... the new owners are slavers and they use the estate to house their slaves. Despite Carver's indifference, Chickene resolves to break in, kill the slavers and find the will.

We head to Darktown and find a ladder among the walls that make up the city's gritty underbelly. Carver is strangely impressed by it. Getting in from here is no problem since Leandra still had her old set of keys and the slavers apparently never changed the locks. Upon entering the basement, it's not long before we run into several henchmen who aren't happy to see us. We don't see any slaves though, which makes us question Carver's story. Not that it really matters, because it's been far too long since we killed something. The leader confronts us as we near the vault, immediately suspecting that Gamlen is involved and throwing everything he has at us as a result. Aveline and Carver prove to be just as effective at killing "slavers" as they are at killing darkspawn, and Varric shows off some impressive ranged support, sending a hail of crossbow bolts through the air in a high arc... despite the fact that this room only has a 10 foot celing at best. Like I said: impressive.

The vault is small, but it has a few nice pieces of equipment, a stash of coins and the will we were looking for. We head straight back to Gamlen's house from there and find him in the middle of lecturing his sister about how hard we've made things for him. He asks her to pay rent, but changes his tone when we show up. Chickene harshly accuses him of lying to us as we hand Leandra the will and she sees that her father left everything to her and her kids. The lie exposed, Gamlen says he wasn't going to wait around forever for his sister to claim the estate and wasn't even expecting her to return. Chickene concedes that he has a point. With a new feeling of determination, our mother says she'll do what she must to get an audience with the viscount and reclaim our right to the estate and our associated title. When will this happen? "After Bartrand's expedition." ...How convenient for the plot.

"Does, uh... this mean I'm not getting rent money for my poker game? Guys?"

With that on the back burner for now, we head to a shabby Lowtown tavern called the Hanged Man with Varric to discuss his ideas for making money. He tells us that actually, the first thing we need is a way into the Deep Roads. Chickene is annoyed, having assumed Bartrand already figured that out. Varric explains that he wants the safest way into the Deep Roads and he's heard of a former Grey Warden who has detailed maps created by the order. Chickene admits it's a good idea, so Varric tells us he's a healer that has been working with Fereldan refugees who frequent a particular shop. We then get it in our heads that Grey Wardens are secretive and we may have to beat the info out of him. Varric is less than impressed.

A long line of refugees greets us as we head to Lirene's Fereldan Imports. Many of them are complaining about various health ailments and Lirene keeps telling them to stay in line and wait their turn. We're a video game protagonist though, so we walk straight up to her and tell her we're looking for a Grey Warden. She's never heard of one, but one of the refugees in line blurts out that the healer used to be one. We calmly tell her we just want to talk to him. Lirene is hesitant though, since he's an apostate mage and she has no desire to see him get reported to the Templars. His patience already exhausted, Chickene says he's going to start punching people. Lirene reminds him that she's been through the Blight and isn't impressed by his threats. She tells us where to seek him out regardless and we leave, angrily throwing a gold coin in her donation box on our way out.

"I don't want to see you in here aga-- wait, you donated a gold sovereign? Are you friends with that dwarf Warden?"

As we exit, we learn that word travels quickly around here and a group of Fereldan refugees are already waiting to rough us up because we might endanger the healer. Chickene doesn't want to deal with people right now, and this is one of those dialogue scenes where you can have a companion answer for you. So, we tell Carver to handle it and he tells the assembled rabble to stop picking on their fellow Fereldans. Amazingly, the leader of the group apologizes, hails Queen Anora and walks away. It seems that once again, I've created a main character who is at his best when he shuts up and lets other people speak for him.

For now, it's back to Darktown to find the healer's clinic. We walk in to see a mage using a great deal of energy to heal a child, and the process leaves him fatigued. If we had played Dragon Age: Origins: Awakening, we'd recognize him as Anders, one of the companions from that expansion. We didn't bother though, so he's not happy with us when we walk in. We assure him it was nothing personal and we totally had a save file that had completed Awakening before our Xbox 360 hard drive failed. He calms down and says he wants nothing to do with the Grey Wardens or the Deep Roads, but he'll help us if we help him. Apparently, a mage friend of his named Karl is trying to escape the Templars and Anders has made the appropriate arrangements. He wants us to accompany him to the Chantry at night just in case there's trouble. Chickene is no friend to the Templars himself, so he accepts.

"A 'red ring of death' you say? My sympathies, friend. There is no healing for that ailment."

Another feature of the map I should mention at this point is that you can switch from day to night simply by pressing a button while on the map screen. Certain missions can only be undertaken during a certain time of day, and you will also run into more roving groups of bandits at night than you will during the daylight hours. While other games make use of an in-game clock or even adjust to the real-world time of day, this feature is much more convenient, although it does raise the question of how it affects the other residents of Kirkwall when you rapidly switch between "day" and "night" mode just for the hell of it.

Regardless, we head into Hightown at night and fight our way through a group of thugs pretending to be guardsmen on our way to the Chantry. Anders tells us to let him do the talking and keep an eye out for templars while he finds Karl. His mage friend is waiting in one of the wings of the Chantry, but he speaks to us mechanically and has a weird new tattoo on his forehead. These are signs that a mage has been made "Tranquil," a process that cuts of a person's ability to channel magic by removing all emotions or desires. Tranquilized mages are also very compliant, as demonstrated when Karl calmly summons the Templars who were waiting to ambush us.

I've seen Bill Bixby do this before. He's going to turn into an icy blue-colored Lou Ferrigno!

Anders doesn't take this well. By that, I mean his entire body glows blue, his voice changes to something deep and growly, and he starts blasting templars with powerful spells. With five of us fighting, the mage-hunting knights don't last long. Karl speaks again once the fight is over, saying that Anders must have brought a piece of the Fade into the room because he has temporarily regained his emotions. Chickene accuses him of faking his tranquility. Karl insists that his feelings are already going away again however, and begs for death. Chickene's concerned now, telling Anders there must be some way to cure him and we shouldn't resort to murder. Anders knows that this change is permanent though, and grants his friend mercy.

Back at Anders' clinic, Chickene asks for an explanation and Anders tells us that he met a spirit of justice (who was another companion in Dragon Age: Origins: Awakening) that needed a human host to live outside of the Fade. So, he offered to be that host but his anger toward Templars caused the spirit to change. Chickene immediately assumes demon and Carver chimes in, calling him an abomination. Anders says he's still a spirit, just one of vengeance instead of justice now, and it's his burden to try and control the spirit. Chickene says he wishes he could help, which makes him feel better. Anders offers us the Grey Warden maps and his assistance freely after that.

"I'll be in my filthy undercity clinic in case you feel like hanging out somewhere more sanitary than Gamlen's house."

So, we're one step closer to punching our ticket to the Deep Roads! We're still light on gold but we have a way in now. Chickene can't escape this nagging feeling, though... this notion that there's something he's forgotten... maybe something a very powerful witch told him to do....

Dragon Age II Playthrough - Fear and Lothering

The game begins, oddly enough, with a dwarf being dragged down a hallway by two well-armored men before being rudely deposited in a chair.  A woman in armor emerges from the shadows, who tells the dwarf she is Cassandra Pentaghast, Seeker of the Chantry.  She's brought him here to tell her everything he knows about "the Champion," a man who apparently set off a series of events that has caused big problems for the Chantry.  Once the dwarf realizes she's not taking 'no' for an answer, he begins to talk....

Watch yourself, dwarf. This inquisitor looks like she's going to throw the book at you.

We switch to Hawke (looking like Gerard Butler for the time being) fighting alongside a man with a greatsword.  Hawke has some serious magic in the form of fireballs, walls of icicles and mind blasts.  He and his companion are tearing apart waves of darkspawn and while the warrior seems worried, Hawke continues slinging spells and says he's ready to kill as many as he needs to.  Eventually an ogre shows up, but Mr. Mighty Mage is no less determined.  After a short battle, Hawke charges the ogre's body with magical energy and literally rips it apart.  More darkspawn show up to surround the two humans and just when it looks like the scene can't get any worse, the camera pans over to show a High Dragon atop a nearby cliff.  It plunges downward breathing fire and--That's about the time Cassandra tells the dwarf he's full of it.  He implies that he was just telling her what she wanted to hear, and she sternly tells him that she wants the truth.  The dwarf resists the urge to repeat Jack Nicholson's line from A Few Good Men and retcons the beginning of the game.  Gerard Butler is fired from playing the lead role and we create our balding mage named Chickene Hawke instead.

"It's called 'creative license', Seeker. How was I supposed to know the Chantry didn't have room in the budget for an A-list actor?"

Chickene, as it turns out, is not a mighty wizard at this point.  He and his family are among the citizens of Lothering who didn't get out of town fast enough when the darkspawn showed up and now they're literally running for their lives.  In addition to Chickene, we're traveling with his brother Carver, his sister Bethany and their mother Leandra.  They stop briefly after killing some stray darkspawn to try to figure out what to do.  Chickene yells at everyone to point out that we're wasting time, then tactfully suggests that we should decide on a course of action quickly.  Leandra says that her family in Kirkwall does pretty well for themselves, and would be the best option if we can just make our way to the nearby port of Gwaren.  For now though, the group decides that "away from the darkspawn" is as good a direction to travel as any.

Moving further along, the Hawke family finds more darkspawn and a married couple fighting them. The husband is wearing Templar armor but it does little good against a sword strike that nearly cuts his arm off. Fortunately, the wife has plenty of fight in her. She tackles the darkspawn that wounded him to the ground, beats it to death, then prepares to defend herself with her sword and her husband's shield. I'm honestly not sure why he didn't just let her do all the fighting to begin with. At any rate, we catch up to the action and make short work of the blighters together.

"Oh. 'Blighters'. Yeah, we see what you did there. We just wish we hadn't."

The templar isn't exactly grateful, since Chickene and Bethany are slinging spells without a license and he's supposed to kill such "apostates". His wife talks him down, introducing herself as Aveline and her husband as Wesley. Chickene just growls at the Templar. Everyone agrees to not kill each other for the time being though, so Chickene offers to treat Wesley's wound. The templar refuses, writing off his sword arm as useless without even trying our healing magic. Aveline tells us the way north is blocked by darkspawn but south takes us straight into the Kocari Wilds. Chickene gets angry again and says wilds are better than certain death any day.

We continue forward, stopping only to kill darkspawn now and then, until we come over a familiar-looking rise and see an equally familiar-looking ogre. It turns its gaze on Bethany and Leandra. Our mage sister charges up her spells to defend our mother, but the ogre responds by grabbing Bethany and slamming her into the ground a few times. Sadly, this is not just a misunderstood ogre handshake. Chickene, Carver and Aveline move in and kill the ogre but it's too late for Bethany. Chickene shouts at his traumatized mother to get moving before something uglier shows up, but she shouts right back. I guess we see where Chickene gets it from.

"oGre onLY waNt giVe fRienDLy hUG. whY huMAn mAge so sQUisHy?" 

Wesley says a prayer, Chickene acts nicer and Leandra reluctantly gets up... but sure enough, the darkspawn have caught up to us by then. They start to overwhelm us, but the Plot Device Dragon appears on time again and roasts every darkspawn in sight with its fire breath. It lands, clutching a dead darkspawn in its talons, and a swirling magical field surrounds it. The dragon changes its shape to reveal Flemeth, sporting a sexy evil outfit that was at the dry cleaners during Origins, I guess.Chickene immediately decides to threaten this powerful woman, which Flemeth scoffs at. She says she was just curious to see who killed the ogre and she'll be on her way now. Chickene goes back to nice mode and admits they'll die without her help. She doesn't seem to care until we tell her we're headed for Kirkwall. Changing her tone, Flemeth says she'll get us to Gwaren if we make a simple delivery once we reach the Free Marches. Chickene rudely tells her he'll makes no such guarantee. Flemeth ignores his bravado again since the others seem agreeable. She says there's one matter to attend to before we go, however.

"You may have noticed my dragon horns also look different from how they did in Origins.
In which case: shut up. They were at the dry cleaners' too."

Wesley has been looking more sickly as time goes on and Flemeth informs Aveline that he's beyond saving. Chickene compassionately suggests there must be something we can do. Flemeth says becoming a Grey Warden would work, but we do NOT want to deal with the new guy in charge of them. So, Wesley asks Aveline to show him mercy and stab him. Suddenly feeling grumpy, Chickene tells her to hurry up and decide. Aveline does the deed and Cassandra interrupts the dwarf's story again.

The Seeker is skeptical about Flemeth's involvement, but the dwarf shows her Kate Mulgrew's name in the voice acting credits, so Cassandra decides he's telling the truth. He continues, saying the Hawke family made it to Gwaren, boarded a ship and had a long, uncomfortable ride to the "free" city of Kirkwall. When we get there, we see that a bunch of other people from Ferelden decided to climb aboard something that floats and make for Kirkwall, too. The viscount and the knight-commander of the city's templars have already decided to close the gates to refugees. Leandra thinks we have a better chance of getting in since we actually have family here, so she tells Chickene to start acting belligerent again so we can speak to someone in charge.

We eventually meet guard captain Ewald and tell him we have an uncle Gamlen, who's a nobleman in Kirkwall. Ewald says he knows a Gamlen, but he sure as hell isn't noble and mentions something about rubbing coins. The less we know about that, the better. He promises to let us know if he shows up, which doesn't go over well with a group of well-armed refugees who have been trying to get in for days. They decide to assault the gate and we wind up fighting alongside the guards to stop them. Grateful for our assistance, Ewald says he'll track down Gamlen personally and bring him here.

We make sure to thank the bodies of the conveniently idiotic deserters before proceeding to the next scene.

It takes a few days, but Gamlen shows up. Leandra is initially happy to see him, until he says he essentially lost the family estate in a poker game and if we want to get into the city, we'll have to work off the debt for a year. Chickene grumbles that Gamlen should have found a better way, then kindly says he's only concerned with making sure his mom is safe. Leandra's not going anywhere without her two remaining children though, and Carver says a year's a small price to pay for our lives. So, Chickene decides to talk to Gamlen's mercenary contact, Meeran.

The leader of the Red Iron mercenaries is blunt and straightforward, which Carver seems to like. He says he'll pay our way into the city and let us work for him for a year if we deal with someone who cheated him first. Specifically, a refugee named Friedrich who has surrounded himself with bodyguards and will flee if he sees anyone in a Red Iron uniform. Since we're unknowns, we can get closer. It's good thing for Meeran that Chickene's not feeling nice, as we inform Friedrich he's a dead man and let Carver live up to his name.

"I approve of your methods, and your receding hairline. Maybe now the men will make fewer jokes about mine."

Meeran is satisfied with our results, and we finalize the deal. We tell Gamlen and Leandra the news, which gets a lukewarm response. Our mother's not happy that the family estate is gone, and our uncle's not happy that she and her two sons will be moving in with him. Chickene is just glad to be out of the tutorial level. The dwarf's narration cuts in again, saying that trouble started brewing with the mages and the Qunari during our first year... but more importantly, it's when we finally find out who in the hell our narrator is.

Dragon Age II Playthrough - Introduction

At the end of my Dragon Age: Origins playthrough, I said I was going to try something different next. Then this happened.

YES. Yes, BioWare, I'm going to play Dragon Age II now.

So, let's start with a brief overview of what the sequel brings to the series: rather than a direct continuation of the events of Dragon Age: Origins, this game focuses on one of the many families in Ferelden that fled the kingdom when the darkspawn invaded. The Hawke family are all new characters, and most of the game takes place in a new city. This means that you don't see characters from the first game except for the occasional cameo, and many gamers were frustrated by the repetitive scenery of this new city. The combat is more dynamic, but less strategic. Leveling up is less of a chore but there are also fewer options for specialization, especially for your companions.

Undeniable plus side: FELICIA DAY DLC

To say this game received a mixed reception would be an understatement. I honestly didn't think it was a bad game, but it wasn't what many fans expected. Some backlash was deserved, some wasn't. One thing's for sure, though: I won't be able to repeat the "chaotic stupid" style of the last playthrough. This game uses a Mass Effect style dialogue wheel with three options instead of the list of options you'd get in Origins. Our future companions will be relieved at least, knowing they won't have to deal with another Amastacia.

Unfortunately for them, I'm going to use a different flavor of irrationality. In Mass Effect, certain conversations include multiple opportunities to act like a paragon or renegade. Nothing says you have to be consistent, though. In fact, if you switch between the two attitudes with every line for Commander Shepard's first speech to his crew, it results in one of the funniest scenes in the game. Since Dragon Age II doesn't give you morality points but uses essentially the same dialogue system, they're practically encouraging us to be bipolar! So let's see how that goes....

CHARACTER CREATION

Hawke is a human. No multiple race options this time. BioWare says they'll be back in Dragon Age: Inquisition. We can customize gender, skin tone and physical appearance, though. Considering that our character will be prone to frequent mood swings, it seems in poor taste to make a female. Hawke will be another male protagonist.

Tonight we dine... on dated movie references!

The default male Hawke resembles Gerard Butler in 300 with a perpetual blood stain on his nose. You cannot, however, attack enemies with a front kick while yelling "This! Is! KIRKWALL!" We're going to change things up so we don't have a constant reminder of this wasted opportunity. One of my friends is often frustrated by the lack of people of color in western RPGs and Kirkwall is definitely a predominantly white city. Might as well add to the diversity by making our character dark-skinned (as dark as the game allows it, anyway). We'll keep the beard of awesome, though.

Next, we have to pick a class. One big problem I had in Origins was the lack of a primary healer due to Wynne being another victim of Amy's indecision. To ensure that doesn't happen again, we're going to have Hawke fill that role. Mage it is.

Last, his name. This is important. Someone from BioWare could potentially be watching. The first time I played this game, I sarcastically named my warrior Commander Hawke. Can't do that again. Need to be respectful of their creative vision. Okay. Our character will be known as:

Chickene Hawke.

...Crap, I blew it.

Dragon Age: Origins Playthrough - The End

In Redcliffe, we encounter a familiar scene of a villager running up to us, saying they're under attack and they need our help. Amastacia remembers how this place got through the undead attacks just fine and turns to leave. The darkspawn spot us though, and we wind up defending what's left of the village by accident before proceeding to the castle. The monstrosities follow us but there's a company of guards in the courtyard who provide supporting fire as Amy, Morrigan, Leliana and Loghain deal with a few ogres.

Once the assault stops, we head inside to talk to our allies. Riordan has just arrived from a scouting mission with bad news. All reports indicated the horde was massing on Redcliffe but he took a look and there's only a small percentage of their total numbers here. The majority of the horde is marching to Denerim. The city we just left relatively defenseless by rallying our armies here. Oh, and the Archdemon is leading the charge.

Whoa, actual war? I'm more of a "light a beacon while other people fight" kind of guy.

Although we can't reach Denerim in time to stop the invasion, Anora and Eamon agree that we should march our armies there as soon as possible. Amy's pretty damned tired of walking at this point and asks if he can just direct his armies from here. Riordan speaks up to ruin our brilliant idea, insisting that the Grey Wardens must face the Archdemon. He also says he'll explain why to Loghain and Amy in private. Eamon doesn't question that, and suggests that everyone gets a good night's sleep before that whole forced march against a superior force thing.

We make our way to the upper floor of Eamon's castle, where Loghain is already waiting to talk to Riordan. With all of us assembled, Riordan explains that an Archdemon's soul will jump to a new darkspawn when it dies, to be born again in a new body. Since Grey Wardens bear the darkspawn taint, the soul will jump to a Warden's body instead if they make the killing blow. This prevents it from being reborn, and kills off both the Archdemon and the Warden for good.

"Sucks to be you guys, huh? LOL!"

Amy says there's no way he's sacrificing himself, and Riordan says he plans on making the killing blow himself since his darkspawn taint will kill him soon anyway. He reminds us that there are no guarantees in this battle though and we should be prepared to do what's necessary. Amy makes a mental note of that. Specifically, it says "run like hell."

For now, Amy is ready to get some sleep but he can't because someone else wants to talk to him. Morrigan sits on his bed, explaining that she overheard our conversation and knows of a way to cheat death. All we have to do is sleep with her and AMY NEEDS NO OTHER DETAILS.

Please enjoy this bottle of bleach in lieu of Morrigan pretending to enjoy the sight of a naked Amastacia.

We ignore the bit about "Flemeth wants Morrigan to have a baby born with the soul of an Old God" and spend the night with our witch. The next morning, Amy is in a strangely good mood as they march on Denerim. Most of the city is in flames by the time we get there, and we stop just outside the walls to rally the troops. Anora tells Amy to keep his mouth shut while she gives a stirring speech describing the Grey Wardens' heroics. We let her do her thing, and our armies charge into the city. Our initial push overwhelms the darkspawn assembled inside the main gate and we establish a forward camp there once the stragglers are cleared out.

Riordan finds us to talk strategy. He suggests that Amy and Loghain go one way while he goes another to ensure all the Grey Wardens aren't wiped out at once. He also says he'll go after the Archdemon directly and we can try to find the darkspawn generals. Last but not least, we need to stick to the mandatory 4 person party and leave the rest of our allies behind to guard our forward camp. Damn, who died and made this guy Greyest Warden of them all?

...Oh, right.

We decide to head into the city with Loghain, Morrigan and Leliana while Polystyrene, Shale and Oghren stay behind with Sten in command. Each party member takes a moment to wish us luck, or say goodbye in case we all die. Some, like Leliana, are quite sentimental while Shale simply says, "so, the Archdemon's next? Good luck with that."

We head to the market district first, which is swarming with darkspawn including one with a particularly large axe and more hitpoints than the two ogres he brought with him. This would be the first general. Loghain proves to be a competent fighter and weathers the attacks as well as Amy does. With the market clear, we proceed to the alienage where we run into Shianni again. She's armed herself with a bow but an ogre is about to burst through the flimsy wooden barricade the elves have constructed, so she's more than happy to let us take over. The brutish darkspawn in the front stand between us and the second general, who is a mage. Amy charges past the ogres to confront the general while our allies deal with the main force. Not the best strategy, but it's better than letting a powerful mage sling spells unchecked. Many healing potions later, the battle is won.

The Archdemon appears briefly to destroy a bridge in the alienage, preventing us from retreating even if we wanted to. As Amy proceeds to the palace district, we cut to Riordan who is awaiting the Archdemon atop a building near Fort Drakon. He senses it coming and seizes his opportunity, jumping on its back and driving his swords under its scales. The Archdemon pulls up into a steep climb to shake Riordan off. He clings to his sword but the force causes the blade to slice downward across the Archdemon's wing and he falls to his death. The Archdemon is now flightless however, and lands on top of Fort Drakon.

"Killed one of you! Aww yeah! Time to raze the roof!"

Amy sees the wounded Archdemon land and we make for the fort. There's heavy resistance, but we haven't used our new warhorn yet. We have the ability to summon elves, knights, dwarves, Templars or a few golems to our location and Amy calls in some Dalish archers to help clear the way to Fort Drakon. There are darkspawn in the fort too, including some beefy assassins, but they're small fry compared to what awaits us on the roof.

The Archdemon is slightly larger than the High Dragon and has lots more pointy bits. Our strategy for dealing with it is basically the same, but this time we can call in the golems. They trade punishment with the Archdemon while we surround it and start chipping away at its hide. However, it can still fly short distances and is not shy about running away when we're in an advantageous position.

This should be the hardest fight of the game, but there are a couple of problems. One, the armies you summon provide a very effective distraction and you don't have to watch your party's health as closely. Two, there are a few ballistas set up on the roof and you can take cheap shots at the Archdemon while your allies keep it busy. So the fight isn't too challenging; it's just long.

With the proper timing, you can keep lobbing bolts indefinitely, making this thing more powerful than two dozen knights.

We have to call in the Templars after the Archdemon kills all our golems, but it's eventually whittled down to its last ounce of life. Amy grabs a greatsword that he doesn't even know how to use that well, climbs onto the back of the Archdemon's neck, and rams the blade into its head. A shaft of light erupts from the wound which makes the darkspawn flee in terror, followed by a small explosion of energy... but as Morrigan promised, Amy survives the experience.

All that's left is the epilogue. Queen Anora assembles many important nobles together in the throne room of Denerim's palace to honor Amastacia. Most of our party is there as well. Alistair has kept his promise not to return, Shale seems to have wandered off and Morrigan has disappeared into the Wilds to prepare to be a new mother. Loghain is present though, confused about why Amy's not dead but he admits that we've earned his respect. Oghren has a trio of dwarven ladies around him, saying he might stay on the surface for a while. We flirt with Leliana, but she says she'll be off on a new adventure shortly. Sten says he's going back to his home in Par Vollen and thanks us for making that possible. Lastly, our sister has come to tell us our mother has finally stopped drinking... but only so she can lord her sobriety over her old drinking buddies.

Amy has the opportunity to ask a favor of the new human regent. For the final time in this game, he blows it.

Amy exits the palace to greet his adoring masses and we're shown a series of closing narratives about Ferelden. Queen Anora proves to be a good ruler but never remarries. Redcliffe never recovers from the undead incident and eventually becomes a ghost town. The Dalish prosper for a while, but their increased numbers inevitably bring them into conflict with humans again. As for Orzammar, King Bhelen starts off well by allowing casteless to fight darkspawn and become warriors. However, he becomes tyrannical over the use of the Anvil of the Void and Paragon Branka eventually locks herself in the deep roads with it, just like Caridin before her.

The fact that Amy is declared an ideal example of dwarven society is the strongest proof yet of its inevitable downfall.

So ends my playthrough of Dragon Age: Origins! There is an expansion to this game, somewhat cumbersomely entitled Dragon Age: Origins: Awakening. However, I think this is a good stopping point for now. I'll have to think about what to do next... let me know if there's anything you'd like to see!

Dragon Age: Origins Playthrough - The Landsmeet

As Amy makes his triumphant entrance into the palace for the Landsmeet, his path is blocked once again by Ser Cauthrien. She's not happy that she beat us fair and square, and we would have stayed captured if that other prisoner hadn't foolishly declared There Is No Escape From Fort Drakon™. We try to persuade her to let us pass, but she says our very presence will shame the Landsmeet and is determined not to let that happen.

"I would tell you that you shall not pass, Warden, but you would only make a Gandalf joke. I know how you think."

Several guards rush in to attack us with her, but they're nowhere near as good as the ones she brought to Howe's estate. Morrigan, Leliana and Alistair hold them off while Amy shows Ser Cauthrien why two swords are better than one. Her attempt at a repeat victory fails, and Amy walks into the Landsmeet, albiet in in dirty armor. So Cauthrien managed to make him look a little sillier, at least.

Loghain is already debating with Eamon by the time we enter, and points us out as "the usurpers" immediately. That was the name of the cover band Amy played bass for back in Dust Town. About time someone noticed. Anyway, we came armed with evidence that Loghain allowed Rendon Howe to torture people and let Tevinter soldiers into the city to abduct elves. So, at this moment of truth... Amy repeats the unprovable line about Loghain abandoning Cailan at Ostagar.

Come on Loghain, can't you see that you're Teyrn this kingdom apart?

...No, huh? Umm... people! We have everything to lose and nothing to Loghain!

Wow, this crowd is a lot tougher than I thought.

Loghain turns this argument around masterfully. He admits he retreated, because Cailan was misled by Grey Warden tales of glory and had no hope of victory. Faced with a choice between throwing away an army in an attempt to save his king's life, or keeping the kingdom strong enough to survive, he made the only choice he could. No one regrets it more than he does, Loghain claims, and we insult the king's memory by suggesting otherwise.

Damn. When Loghain puts it like that, we're not entirely sure why we started this rebellion in the first place.

"Is it too late for me to withdraw my support for this man?"

He then demands to know what we've done with his daughter. Amy has completely forgotten by now. Loghain reminds everyone that Anora was abducted from her manor. At this point, the Queen appears and says she will speak for herself. She's much better at telling the crowd that Loghain has gone mad than Amy is, but Loghain's not giving up. He makes one last appeal to the nobles, reminding them that he's a proven general and Ferelden's best hope against the darkspawn.

Two nobles voice their support for the Wardens. Two other nobles voice their support for Loghain. Then... the crowd rallies behind Loghain.

"Loghain! Please shut this dwarf up for us!"

Arl Eamon says this isn't good. Amy, completely oblivious to what's going on, says nothing's been decided yet. Loghain makes things clear by declaring himself regent and ordering the guards to arrest us for treason. Arl Eamon shouts that we're not going down without a fight. His knights clash with the palace guards.

A brief scuffle later, a revered mother of the Chantry demands that we stop this violence. She says that in the past, such disputes were settled by trial by combat. Loghain agrees immediately and says he will fight Alistair. Amy speaks up, saying we accept... but Morrigan will be Alistair's champion.

Morrigan, bravely showing sarcasm in the face of probable death, thanks us SO MUCH for volunteering her.

It's hard to tell which of the two of them hates me more at this point.

The witch looks terribly awkward as she and Loghain circle each other. He draws his sword and she draws hers, looking somewhat confident that she knows which end to hold. Loghain gives a war cry as combat starts... giving Morrigan time to shapeshift into a bear. She tackles Loghain to the ground, biting his armor but not doing as much damage as we'd like. He wriggles away and gets enough hits in to force Morrigan to shift back to human form and use her life draining spell to recover. Her hitpoints still looking too low for comfort, she tries a cone of cold. It's enough to bring him down.

Alistair is ready to see Loghain executed on the spot, but Riordan interrupts us. He knows the joining ritual and says we can turn Loghain into an ally by making him a Grey Warden. Anora adds that since this ritual is often fatal, she is content with letting fate decide whether he dies or lives. Alistair is livid.

Damn it, Riordan, you made Alistair mad! Everything was going GREAT before you showed up!

The royal bastard says becoming a Grey Warden is an honor, not a punishment. More importantly, he refuses to accept that Loghain could be a brother Warden and vows he will leave if we let him undertake the joining ritual. It is clear that Amy has to choose between keeping a proven friend or losing him over the slight chance at gaining his proven enemy as an ally.

Amy tells Alistair he's free to go. Anora contradicts us though, saying the Wardens still committed treason and she believes Alistair should pay the price with his life. Amy's reply?

I rarely put him in my party. He's more like a prop than an actual teammate at this point.

Alistair is completely stunned by how things went so wrong so fast. He asks Amy to please just let him exile himself in peace. Luckily for him, that's all Amy needs to hear to change his mind. Anora makes him swear never to pursue his claim to the throne and spares his life.

The whole bloody matter is finally decided. Loghain survives the joining ritual and becomes our new best friend. Eamon laments that King Maric's line is ended but is glad that Amy didn't get them all killed. He then announces that they will gather the armies in Redcliffe to meet the darkspawn and end the blight.

Dragon Age: Origins Playthrough - Denerim, Part Three

Amastacia awakens to find himself mostly naked in a cell in Fort Drakon. In his confusion, he instinctively looks around for how many empty flagons are on the floor and whether or not there's an angry dwarf woman in here demanding money. His memories of being gutted by some knight-lady slowly return, along with the realization that it was all the elf handmaiden's fault for insisting that they wear stupid disguises. An emaciated man in the cell next to us says Loghain's men were pretty rough when they brought us in, and we really must have pissed the Teyrn off. We tell him that it's none of his business but he keeps talking, suggesting we get comfortable because there is No Escape From Fort Drakon™. Amy says that's a tired cliché, and knows what to do next.

We shout at one of the guards, who walks over and says, "unless you're dying, I don't care."

"Relax, man," we tell him, "we just want to tell you about this great bar we found!"

Amy grabs the guard and slams his head into the cell's bars, rendering him unconscious. We take the key off his body, let ourselves out and strap his human-sized armor over our dwarven frame. Then we look at the emaciated guy and say, "see? Any time you say 'there is no escape' in a setting like this, that means someone's about to escape." To prove our point, we declare there is No Escape From Fort Drakon™ and unlock his cell. He runs off, possibly more afraid of us than the guards at this point.

"You killed a guard with a pun and escaped using a cliché? If you're not going to take this scene seriously, I'm out." 

Our gear is in a large chest, located conveniently near our cell. Feeling silly for trying to fit into the human armor, Amy strips it off and gets back into his usual plate mail. There are plenty of guards between him and the exit, but they're surprisingly ineffective against one angry, armored dwarf and his pair of longswords. As we're headed out, Morrigan and Leliana are running in. Leliana seems disappointed that they didn't get to enact their elaborate escape plan, but doesn't linger on it because she'll have plenty of opportunities to be disappointed in us in the near future.

Upon returning to Eamon's estate, the arl tells us he's relieved to see we're all right even though that's probably not true. He goes on to say that they have another idea about how to discredit Loghain, and tells us we should look into the disappearances at the elven Alienage. We're also told that Queen Anora wants to talk to us and Eamon warns that while she's a powerful ally, we shouldn't trust her completely.

Of course, Eamon's the same guy who couldn't see the brilliance of us stealing Loghain's crown, so we can't trust his opinions. We head down the hall to see Anora, who cuts right to the chase and says she wants to keep her throne. She has a list of reasons why we should listen but we assure her that we're not interested in backing our trusted ally. Anora may only be supporting us because we're convenient, but the woman knows how to make a self-serving grab for power and we respect that.

"For the record, your approval fills me with disgust. As did your question to Arl Eamon about whether or not I was still single."

For now though, Amy, Morrigan, Sten and Leliana are going to see what's up at the Alienage. This is the most run-down part of Denerim, complete with corpses that no one has disposed of and a giant tree that is just taking up space. Morrigan mocks the symbolism of the tree with us as we head to a long line of elves standing outside a hospital. A red-haired elf named Shianni is yelling at everyone that the plague is a lie and no one ever come out of that hospital. Her fellow elves mostly ignore her. Noticing us, she insists that something is up there but asks us not to do anything that will make things worse.

Amy, being Amy, muscles his way through the elves and up to the hospital's front door. A mage tells us we can't go in and we tell him we're dying... of curiosity. To see what the hospital looks like inside. The mage calls on the nearby guards to shut us up, and the elves scatter as all guards get killed in various ways.

Shianni lingers a moment to ask us what the hell we were thinking just now. Amy incredulously replies, "I fail to see how that was my fault." Shianni takes this as her cue to hide, because the dwarf is just getting warmed up.

"It's a good thing you didn't pick the City Elf origin. I'd hate to have you as my cousin."

Inside, the hospital is full of soldiers from another fiefdom called the Tevinter Imperium. Slavery is still legal in Tevinter and strangely enough, there are half a dozen elves in cages in one of the back rooms who insist they're not sick. Amy scratches his head and says he has to think a bit more about what the connection here is. For now, he tells the elves to stay in their cages. He can't fight the archdemon if he catches some kind of elf cooties.

The back door to the hospital leads through the elven slums, and the apartments are a lot more empty than they used to be. There's nothing decent to loot here though, so we proceed to a warehouse which is being guarded by more Tevinter soldiers. One asks us what we're doing here, but we stall him with a clever tactic we learned in the Penny Arcade Splinter Cell spy training manual (seriously, I think this may have been an intentional reference).

Seriously though, did you say "Tevinter Soldier"? Like that new Captain America movie? I heard that was awesome.

We eventually find ourselves confronting the mage in charge of this whole operation, who realizes it's time to close up shop. He'd like to make a little more profit before he leaves however, and offers to sell us documents implicating Loghain before he leaves. Morrigan says this had better be his opening offer. Amy agrees and tells the magister that he thinks it'd be a better deal if he gave us the documents and paid US for them. That doesn't go over well, so we insist they can leave their slaves behind too. Apparently that isn't what he wanted to hear, either. This is why Amy doesn't usually negotiate.

One beatdown later, the magister makes another offer: he can kill all the slaves and increase our own lifeforce. We tell him we have more than enough hit points to take on a dragon singlehandedly, but thanks. "I don't suppose you'd just let me go?" he asks. "No, I don't suppose I would." Amy replies.

Awkward pause.

This is probably a bad time to mention it, but you're not in a strong negotiating position when you're bleeding and on fire.

The magister makes his move and finally gets killed. The leader of the elven Alienage is freed and asks us what we intend to do with them. We tell him we don't care, and he takes that as his cue to exit.

A short while later, we return to Eamon, who says that the rest of our allies have arrived and it's time for the Landsmeet. We head toward the palace with Morrigan, Leliana and Alistair, who asks us if we still plan to support Anora for the throne. We tell him we do, and he admits to being relieved, because this means he can go back to ignoring his royal bloodline. He agrees this should make things easier at the Landsmeet, too. All Amy needs to do is be charismatic enough to sway the crowd....

Dragon Age: Origins Playthrough - Denerim, Part Two

Amastacia heads to Redcliffe and informs Arl Eamon he's finished screwing around-- for now. We cut to a scene of armies of humans flooding into Denerim for the Landsmeet as we arrive with Eamon and Alistair... and we're greeted by Loghain himself.

"Now entering the arena, being accompanied by his manager, Rendon Howe...."

The Teyrn chastises Eamon for calling all the nobles away from their lands when many of them are being invaded by darkspawn. A fair point, but Eamon counters with the fact that Loghain tried to kill him with poison. Amy says they both talk too much, and he'd like to go see Wade the armorsmith again. We just thought of some other weird critters we killed that he could make a nice hat out of!

Loghain storms off with an air of false indignation and Eamon shows us to his Denerim estate, which will serve as our new camp for the rest of the game. Like our camp, all our party members are hanging out in random locations and can be chatted with if we so desire. Oghren is in the dining room, eating anything that resembles food, Leliana is in the library and Morrigan is apparently sharing a room with Polystyrene the war hound. Meanwhile, Arl Eamon, Bann Teagan and Alistair are all hanging out in a large study upstairs, waiting for us to advance the plot.

Whoa. Alistair looks way more elven and feminine than I remember.

Upon approaching Eamon, he introduces us to an elf woman who works as one of Queen Anora's handmaidens. Amy is excited as he anticipates their plan is to kidnap all the Queen's servants to embarrass her. He's disappointed to hear she came here voluntarily because Loghain is keeping Anora under house arrest in Arl Howe's estate. Amy fails to see how this info helps us. Besides, you don't mess with Tim Curry.

Arl Eamon insists, however, that having the Queen on our side would greatly strengthen our cause. Alistair is all for it too, because he still doesn't want to be king and is more than happy to let Anora keep the throne as long as she's not interested in killing all Grey Wardens. This is why Amy never liked Alistair much... he never goes along with our short-sighted attempts to grab power. Well, screw both of you guys! We developed a foolproof plan of our own!

We take Leliana, Morrigan and Oghren with us to meet a contact we made during our first trip to Denerim: Slim Couldry. He's been talking about the perfect thieving opportunity for a while and the chance to strike has finally arrived. One of Loghain's couriers has something that will swing the balance of power in our favor and word on the street is, he just stopped into the Gnawed Noble Tavern. We pay Slim a generous finder's fee and then pay the tavern a visit.

Judging by that beer gut, I'd say this guy spends a lot of time keeping his eye on tavern patrons.

As promised, Loghain's man is in a side room surrounded by a small group of soldiers. We don't steal the item so much as we're immediately recognized as a Grey Warden and attacked. Not that the details matter to Amy. We take our prize off the courier's body and triumphantly return to Arl Eamon with the good news: he can rest easy, for we have just stolen... Loghain's crown!

...And then stupid Arl Eamon and stupid Alistair say they still think we should rescue the queen.

FINE. We keep our current party and head to Arl Howe's estate with Anora's handmaiden but yet again, we're stopped on the way there. This time, it's a group of thugs with very familiar Antivan accents. Their leader, Taliesen, asks why Zevran isn't with us. The answer is because we don't remember having anyone in our group by that-- oh! You mean the blonde elf who just walked up behind us so conveniently? What about him?

Taliesen tells Zevran that the Antivan Crows don't need to know about his previous failure and if he kills us now, he can go back to his old life. We've done this scene before, though. Assassins attack, we assassinate them first, and lecture their corpses about the folly of hubris. Zevran has been on the receiving end of that too, so there's no way he's going to-- uh, Zev? Why are you pointing that thing at us?

That's the face of a man who's about to make a "that's what she said" joke. KILL HIM NOW.

The elf has gotten tired of us telling him he's not as good of a rogue as Leliana and his accent isn't as sexy. So, he decided to see if the second assassination attempt is a charm. Leliana brings him down with a hail of arrows while Oghren and Amy take care of Taliesen and his hired muscle, which only serves to prove our point. This time, Zevran doesn't get back up. We take back the gear we equipped on him, say a few words about hubris and move on.

Upon arriving at Arl Howe's estate, our handmaiden turned spy tells us she has an elaborate plan to get us to the back entrance undetected. Amy, still trying to clean bits of Zevran off his sword, isn't listening and strolls into the gardens. Guards immediately come to investigate and Amy is forced to bloody the blade he just finished cleaning. The pushy elven lady tries to get us back on track, saying she'll distract the guards while we hide. That's not Amy's style. Sounding more annoyed than shocked as she stands over the dead bodies of the guards, the handmaiden demands that we put on the disguises that she worked so hard to find for us and sneak in.

This is exactly why Amy didn't want to go on this mission. He knew it was just going to be a big hassle. We finally try things the elf's way and stroll through Arl Howe's estate dressed like mercenaries. No one pays any attention to us, which seems odd considering how distinctive Amy's face is, but we don't question it and head for Anora's room.  Unfortunately, the door is glowing in an unfriendly way and Anora tells us that a spell has been cast on it, so we need to find the mage responsible for it to get her out.

"Hey, uh... do you think that hideous dwarf talking to the queen's door might be--"
"SHUT UP AND GO BACK TO LOOKING STOIC."

So after all that subterfuge, we have to head down into Arl Howe's secret dungeons and are immediately recognized as fake mercenaries because no one goes down into the secret dungeons without knowing the secret handshake. The handmaiden is dumb, that's all I'm trying to say. Regardless, we decide that we might as well free some other prisoners to distract the guards while we're breaking out Anora. One says his father is a bann, which doesn't seem important. Another is spouting crazy talk, so we stab him. The most interesting one, however, reaches through the bars and strangles his guard as soon as we distract him. He walks out of his cell shortly thereafter, wearing the guard's armor and thanking us because he's waited for weeks to do that.

Our new friend introduces himself as Riordan, one of the Orlesian Grey Wardens who was sent here to see if the Ferelden Grey Wardens needed help. He ran into Loghain first though, and was tossed in the dungeons to keep us from getting reinforcements. He also mentions that there are supplies stashed here in Denerim that he can help us get access to but for now, he's going to show himself out. We ask him if he's sure he doesn't want to kill Arl Howe for us, but he makes some weak excuses about starvation and torture. More like Grey Whiner, am I right?

Brother Genitivi walked into a Dragon Cult headquarters with a broken leg and I didn't hear him whinge about it.

With him gone, we head into the deepest part of the dungeon to kill Arl Howe. There's a powerful mage with him, more than likely the one who's keeping Anora magically locked up. Howe tells us that we should have run while we had the chance, but we're too mesmerized by his silky voice to be intimidated. We snap out of it when he attacks though, and Amy charges at the mage to ensure the nasty spells are kept to a minimum. Howe is a capable rogue, but he can't defend himself against Leliana, Morrigan and Oghren when he's busy trying to backstab Amy. The group is defeated and Howe chokes out a last, defiant statement before dying.

Hoping we murdered the right mage, we run back upstairs to Anora's room to find that the elven handmaiden has dressed the queen up as a guard to sneak her out of the estate.  ...Really, lady? You think anyone's going to be fooled by that? What is your obsession with making people dress up in outrageous costumes?

"Yes, your majesty! That looks divine! Now I have this nug costume for you to try on...."

Anora tells us to shut up and head for the exit and we do, but we find one of Loghain's best warriors, a woman named Ser Cauthrien, blocking the doors with a small army. She says we're under arrest for the murder of Arl Howe. We're actually kind of impressed that word of our accomplishment spread that fast. Unfortunately for her, we came here to rescue queens and kill guards... and the queen just ran away.

So far, we've fought a high dragon and Flemeth the Shapeshifter, and we still have the archdemon ahead of us. This, however, is the most difficult fight in the game. In addition to Ser Cauthrien being a strong warrior with a massive health bar, she's surrounded by about 15 competent guards, several of which can stun you and leave you unable to drink health potions. I've defeated this large group before with a character who saved Wynne at the Circle Tower, but without a healer behind us, we basically have no chance of victory.

This woman is about to get thank you notes from SO many dwarves in Orzammar who were waiting for Amy to get knocked down a peg.

All four party members get dropped and we cut to a scene of Anora returning to Arl Eamon with Morrigan, Leliana and Oghren behind her. She tells Eamon that Amy has been captured and taken to Fort Drakon. Then she suggests that they come up with a plan to rescue him. Arl Eamon pauses uncomfortably.

"Well?" Anora says.

"Hold on," Eamon replies, "I still haven't decided if we should."