Dragon Age II Playthrough - With Friends Like These, Who Needs Side Quests?

Now that Hawke's companions have discovered that they can get Chickene to do things as long as they make it sound important, they're lining up for their turn in the "Companion Quest" list. Fenris makes his demand first because while we were out on the Wounded Coast, clearing a path for Aveline and Donnic's romantic stroll, Tevinter slavers noticed that we were traveling with a distinctly glowing elf and attacked. Our angry elf notices that they're led by Hadriana, the star apprentice of his former master, Danarius. Now that they've openly attacked him, Fenris is determined to attack them right back and tells Hawke we must track them down immediately. Chickene says he'll get to it... but is distracted soon afterwards.

Varric wants to meet us at the Hanged Man, and he tells us with suppressed, murderous glee that his sources say Bartrand is back in Kirkwall. His treacherous brother is holed up in a Hightown mansion and receiving secret deliveries for unknown purposes. Chickene is still annoyed about being left to die in the Deep Roads and agrees it's time for a little family reunion. So Fenris' bloodlust is superceded by Varric's as Hawke accompanies him to Hightown along with Merrill and Aveline.

"Ha! I told Broody that Hawke would do my favor first! That elf owes me a drink."

Finding the mansion isn't difficult, but it appears to be completely abandoned when we get there. Our narrator is confused but confident in his information, so Hawke says the least we can do is ransack this manor since we've come all this way. Varric leads us inside and is immediately confronted by half a dozen guards. Confidently drawing his crossbow, he invites the guards to dance with him and starts killing everything in the room with a single shot. He eventually finds three guards standing in a doorway and fires a bolt that kills all three of them, in a row. Clearly bested, Bartrand begs Varric for mercy and confesses that mother always loved him best.

We cut back to Varric telling the story to the Chantry Seeker, who looks thoroughly unimpressed. The dwarf tries to weasel his way out of telling what is sure to be an uncomfortable story, but she's not having it. So we return to the mansion, and this time Hawke is leading the charge. There are still plenty of guards, along with plenty of crates, broken decorations and other junk. Occasionally, we find a chest with actual valuables inside, but there's no sign of Bartrand... until we clear all the guards out of the main hall and an unarmed dwarf comes out of hiding.

A statue that sings? Maybe it should be on American Idol.

Varric recognizes him as Bartrand's steward and asks Chickene not to flay his soul just yet. The steward tells us the idol was driving Bartrand mad and sold it in the hope it would stop "singing" to him. Unfortunately, he slipped further into insanity once the idol was gone and he hasn't been seen since he locked himself in a room with all his servants about a week ago. Tired of fighting through waves of crazed mercenaries, Chickene says he's going to put an end to this and he and Varric kick down the door in question.

Bartrand seems to have gained significant fighting abilities, as well as teleportation since last we saw him. He summons even more guards to defend him but Hawke's healing aura keeps everyone healthy as the guards are dispatched and Bartrand is beaten into submission. While no longer aggressive, Bartrand is no saner than before and asks Varric to help him find the idol, completely unaware of the fact that he left us to die over it. Varric realizes that his brother is too far gone to tell him why he did it and decides death would be a mercy at this point. Hawke suggests that maybe Varric doesn't want that blood on his hands but he replies that too many people have died already because of Bartrand's madness, so Chickene tells him to make it quick.

Ooh, is this a guessing game? I'm gonna say... 27!

Varric hasn't found much peace by dealing with his brother, but he's in a better mood than Fenris is about to be in. Hawke is heading to Lowtown's alienage to hear what Merrill has to say when Hadriana shows up along with her slaver buddies to attack us again. Fenris refuses to submit, as usual, and Hadriana retreats while we execute her minions. Our elf warrior yells at Hawke immediately after the last of them are defeated, asking us, what part of "immediately" did we not understand? Chickene apologizes, saying he didn't realize that this quest was time-sensitive because so far, it's been the only one in the game that actually is. Fenris chastises us for not trusting the game developers and says if we don't take him seriously, he's going to leave. So, we head back to the Wounded Coast to prevent that from happening.

The path to the Tevinter slavers' hideout is short but thick with enemies, and Fenris stops us at the entrance to the cave to tell us we need to be careful because mages are dangerous and stuff. Chickene is sick of Fenris' attitude and says we're just going to kill everything inside like we always do. Shrugging, he follows us as we navigate twisting, trap-filled corridors with slavers waiting in ambush positions. Some lesser mages lead the groups and keep themselves protected with spells, but Hawke has just upgraded his dispel magic ability and can damage enemy casters by removing their beneficial spells. Mages who have been knocked down and stripped of their best defenses don't last long against Aveline and Fenris. Our bloody march continues until we find an unarmed elf surrounded by slavers in a large antechamber.

I was tempted to say this to him just because of his poor attitude during the whole quest.

Once the slavers are dead, the elf girl, Orana, tells us that she and her fellow slaves were reasonably well-treated until recently, when Hadriana started killing them with blood magic to gain power for an upcoming fight. She's the last of her group and has nowhere to go, so Chickene tells her to go to his manor in Hightown and he'll help her out. Fenris remarks, in an icy tone, that he didn't know we were in the market for a slave. We tell him we have no intention of actually keeping her a slave, and he apologizes. Then we move on to Hadriana herself, who has plenty of guards and the ability to summon undead and lesser demons. All things considered though, her tactics aren't much better than the mages we just eliminated, so defeating her isn't difficult.

Fenris moves in for the killing blow, but Hadriana says she'll trade her life for information. Our elf isn't interested, until she says she can help him find his sister, who he doesn't even remember. Hawke asks if she can prove she isn't lying, but she just laughs and says she can't. So, we let Fenris decide what he wants to do. He kneels down and politely asks for the information, which Hadriana provides. Then Fenris punches a hole straight through her chest, killing her. Chickene nods in approval and says he would have done the same, but Fenris isn't amused. He rants about how this is probably a trap and that magic ruins everything. We tell him not to forget he's talking to a mage, and he says he hasn't before storming out of the hideout.

Fenris forgets, however, that Hawke was going to give him a ride back to Kirkwall. Here he is waiting for a bus.

After Chickene is finished taking the valuables off of the slavers' bodies, he returns to his manor to find an apologetic Fenris, who says seeing Hadriana again filled him with a hate that she bred into him, and lost control. Chickene's no stranger to irrationality and says Fenris doesn't need to apologize. We then ask him if he's going to follow up on this information about a sister, but Fenris hasn't decided yet. After he leaves, Bodahn informs us that Orana is here and, as promised, we tell her that she can stay in the manor as a paid servant, not a slave. Hawke's mother is still not particularly impressed by this idea.

Regardless, it's time to get back to that rendezvous with Merrill we had planned earlier. Our Dalish blood mage says she has something to show us and points us to an ornate, but broken mirror. Chickene kindly points out that there are no reflections and Merrill explains it's an ancient Dalish mirror called an eluvian, which the clans used to communicate with each other over long distances. She found it while trying to find a missing Dalish scout... his trail ended at the mirror and she never found a body. Chickene pounces on this and calls her a fool for bringing a killer mirror into her house. Merrill insists it's not evil, but wants our help in getting a magic knife from her old clan because Keeper Marethari still has this crazy idea that Merrill's flippant attitude toward demons is a bad thing. Hawke reluctantly agrees to help.

"Andaran Atish'an. Here's generic RPG quest #6. Now get moving. It's cold out here, and this outfit doesn't help."

The two of them head to Sundermount along with Aveline and Varric. Marethari is happy to see Merrill and assumes she has finally given up her foolish notion that demons are better than Dalish. Merrill disappoints her by invoking a Dalish rite entitling her to a favor of her choice if we perform a task of the Keeper's choosing. Marethari wearily admits that Merrill is allowed to do this and asks us to exterminate a menacing creature called a Varterrel that has killed a few of her hunters recently. Hawke accepts this task and heads into a nearby cave where the Varterrel and an embarassment of spiders lay in wait.

The cave is littered not only with spider ambushes, but also the bodies of Dalish hunters who have ventured here before us. Chickene remarks on the fact that the Keeper seems to have sent these elves to their deaths, but Merrill says the Varterrel isn't normally hostile and something must have provoked it. We're unconcerned with that mystery though, since our quest is to kill the beastie, not negotiate peace with it. Eventually, we find a surviving Dalish hunter among the bodies of his clan members but as soon as he sees that Merrill is with us, he tells us to stay back. Chickene yells at him at him for being foolish, and he runs off... right into the waiting pincers of the Varterrel.

"What? My name's not Pol! ...Oh, you're talking to my lunch. This is awkward."

This giant arachnid looks imposing and can summon plenty of spider allies to distract us, so Chickene stays close to his allies and keeps his Healing Aura active. Varric and Merrill need a little extra healing despite that, but Aveline absorbs most of the damage and the Varterrel finally falls. Merrill is distraught to find that her Dalish kinsman died trying to get away from her. Chickene tries to calm her, saying there was nothing she could have done, but Merrill is convinced that someone is spreading rumors that she's dangerous. So, we head back down to the camp to talk to the Keeper.

Merrill respectfully presents Marethari with the amulets of the fallen Dalish, but gets hostile when she mentions that one of them seemed to think she was a bigger threat than the Varterrel. Marethari says that the eluvian is dangerous and it was her duty as Keeper to tell the clan this. She then says that it's not too late for Merrill to change her mind. Merrill tells her she has upheld her end of the bargain and expects the Keeper to do the same. So, Marethari presents us with the Arulin'Holm (a fancy elven word for 'magic knife') and asks us on behalf of the Dalish to keep it away from Merrill.

"Shall I ask it who the fairest of them all is? ...No, I'd best not. Don't want to get sued, now."

Back at Merrill's house in Kirkwall, we find her sitting in front of her mirror, admiring it. We press her for information about it and she says that the shards were corrupted when she first found them. She found a "spirit" who helped her "purify" them... using blood magic. Chickene goes on another tirade about how blood magic is dangerous and could never possibly purify anything. Merrill insists that blood magic isn't inherently evil and asks us whether or not we're going to give her the magic knife. Chickene opts to stay on her good side and gives her the Dalish artifact.

With that, three more of our companions are relatively happy with us. There are a couple of other companion quests we could perform, but one of them is for Anders and since Chickene is the primary healer, I'm not too concerned about him. Isabela rarely gets invited to our party either, since Varric is our rogue of choice. So, Chickene decides that he's probably put off the Qunari crisis for long enough and resolves to fix that next. Easier said than done? Probably, but just how badly is it going to go for Hawke? We'll find out soon enough.

Dragon Age II Playthrough - Fancy Pajamas Unlocked

Chapter two opens with Cassandra and Varric discussing Hawke again, and the Inquisitor admits that the details are not what she expected. Hopefully sensing an opportunity, Varric says she can let him go if she's heard enough. Cassandra says she definitely wants the whole story now, so Varric tells her that the riches Hawke earned from the expedition were enough to get him a mansion in Hightown. Specifically, it's the Amell estate that Leandra grew up in, with its basement freshly cleaned of the bloodstains of the previous inhabitants, who were probably slavers but who cares if they weren't? Hawke has newfound influence too, and Varric's narration cuts to Chickene entering the keep at the request of the Viscount himself. The Qunari have continued to be a problem in Kirkwall and apparently, the Arishok has summoned Hawke by name regarding a matter that he will discuss with no one else, not even the Viscount. Chickene badgers the Viscount about compensation before politely agreeing to help.

Outside the keep, we are met by Bodahn Feddic, who is out of breath and bearing good news. The last of the profits from our expedition have come in, and we add a sizeable amount of gold to our already healthy coinpurse. At this point, we learn that Bodahn has decided to pay off his debt to Hawke by becoming his personal manservant, which we never really asked for or wanted... especially because it means his creepy son Sandal is living in the mansion, too. We immediately head to Hawke's new place, expecting there will be much damage to assess, but thankfully it's in pretty good shape. Chickene decides to change into a new outfit when we arrive as well, which the game calls "Finery" but we're pretty sure it's just an expensive set of sleepwear. We just hope this isn't our new armor, too. No one will take us seriously if we're magically blasting darkspawn in our PJ's.

The outfit looked way nicer on the mannequin in the store. It always does.

Thankfully, Chickene changes back into his mage robes before heading out to the docks with Aveline, Fenris and Varric. The Qunari have not gotten any friendlier in the past year, and the Arishok is no exception. When Hawke approaches, he says that someone has stolen a fake formula for their explosives and we should hunt them down. Chickene bluntly says that this doesn't concern him and goes to leave. It's at this point that the Arishok mentions that the formula is really for a deadly nerve gas and he suspects that if a certain dwarven merchant got hold of it, he wouldn't test its effects before mass producing it. We ask Varric where we can find Javaris, and our narrator just happens to have heard that the dwarf's assets are up for sale by the local crime syndicate, so they might have some ideas. With that, we're off to Darktown to get more information.

When we arrive, a conveniently loud Coterie representative is telling anyone in Darktown who will listen that she is selling Javaris' remaining properties. Chickene approaches her and demands to know where the dwarf is hiding. She doesn't appreciate our tone but since she wouldn't mind seeing him get roughed up, she points us toward a smuggler's tunnel that Javaris used to get out of Kirkwall. She also tells us to give him a kick or two for her as we head down the passage and are confronted by... Coterie thugs. I thought these guys wanted us to track down Javaris and rough him up for them?

Hawke is a guy who obliterates people with spirit magic first and asks questions later, so we annihilate the thugs and follow the passage to its exit on the Wounded Coast, where Javaris has set up an ambush using a large group of hired mercenaries. Just like the last mercenaries he hired, who couldn't hack their way through giant spider webs to save their lives, these guys are no match for Hawke and his allies. We approach Javaris, who says he should have known the elf bitch set him up and asks us to give him a quick death. There's just one problem: we didn't talk to any elf bitch.

That's not a bad idea, Javaris, but I left my favorite pike back at the mansion....

It turns out that Javaris didn't steal from the Qunari, but an elf extremist apparently did and is framing the dwarf for her crime. Chickene decides he's wasted enough time on the Wounded Coast and heads back to Kirkwall to find this elf. We don't have to go far, as we run into a guardsman blocking off a Lowtown slum that is being filled with poisonous gas. Aveline asks him for a report and he says that between the toxic fumes and the thugs attacking anyone who tries to stop them, the city guard is powerless to do much more than quarantine the area.

Chickene was about to ask if he really has to do this, but Aveline's icy death glare is the only answer he needs.

Naturally, it falls to Hawke to see how long he can hold his breath and seal the barrels of nerve gas. We do this by finding discarded valves laying on the ground and reuniting them with their barrel friends. All the while, a small army of mercenaries are dropping down from nearby buildings. This could have been a sequence that required close attention to detail on the part of Chickene, the party healer, but it's more an inconvenience than anything else... until the elf bitch shows up to find out who messed with her barrels.

She gives us a villain monologue about how the Qunari are abducting elves and Kirkwall's leaders are doing nothing about it. So, she decided to gas the slums with a Qunari weapon to make it look like the oxmen finally attacked. She then muses that she could really use a high-profile victim like Hawke to spark enough outrage and tells us the massacre will end with our deaths.

A smarter protagonist would have asked what she meant by "your people". But Chickene was tired of hearing her talk.

This fight is a bit more difficult, but the crazy elf with the greatsword didn't realize we brought our own elf with a greatsword. Ours has lyrium tattoos and more experience, and Fenris takes her down while Hawke, Aveline and Varric handle her cronies. The city guard rushes into the area-- after the fight is over, of course-- to thank us for saving what lives we could. Now all that's left is the unpleasant business of telling the Arishok and the Viscount.

We talk to the Arishok first, and politely inform him that people are trying to make the Qunari look bad. He grumbles about the lack of order in this city. Chickene gets grouchy too and asks the Qunari why they don't leave if they hate it so much. The Arishok finally admits that their line about "waiting for a ship" was a lie and they are not allowed to go home because they lost something. He ends our not-so-pleasant conversation by saying we should be grateful that it's not his job to fix Kirkwall.

We slowly come to the realization that by "fix Kirkwall", the Arishok doesn't mean the city's atrocious sewer system.

Hawke then goes to the viscount and fills him in on the details. Stating the obvious, Viscount Dumar says this is a bad sign because the Qunari had at least pretended to be cordial until now. He also says he has another problem: a couple of delegates sent by the Arishok have gone missing. Predictably, the viscount wants Hawke to be the one to find the delegates before word gets back to the Arishok. Before we get on that though, Aveline wants to see us in the barracks.

The new captain of the guard has asked us, in confidence, to deliver a secret package to one of her men, no questions asked. Clearly this is some kind of important, clandestine operation masterminded by our friend Aveline. This is the solid, tactical Fereldan thinking that won us the war against the darkspawn. Chickene is happy to deliver the package to Donnic, which turns out to be... a copper relief of marigolds. Ha! A CUNNING secret code!

"Forgive me, Serah Hawke, but I can't tell if that's optimism or just blind stupidity."

Varric, however, sees Aveline's reaction when we tell her the job is done and realizes she was trying to give a gift to a guy she has a crush on. So that's disappointing. Chickene grumps at her for not being more straightforward, before proceeding to accept every half-baked idea she and our companions come up with to fix the situation. First, Aveline gives him a cushy patrol, which Donnic thinks is a punishment. Then, Varric suggests they just get drunk together at the Hanged Man, but Aveline is too embarrassed to even meet him. Lastly, we decide they should go on patrol together while we scout ahead to make sure their patrol is a quiet one. Despite our proven track record of solving problems with violence, Aveline is unable to find a romantic topic of conversation while tiptoeing through the bodies of recently slain bandits.

Hawke and friends finally confront her at the end of her patrol and straight-up tell Donnic that Aveline is attracted to him. He awkwardly heads back to the barracks. Aveline is pissed. Later, at the barracks, she is trying to decide if she should try to head this off or just resign now. Before she can act, Donnic shows up and tells us he'd like to talk to Aveline alone in her office. She expects the worst, but the giggling coming from her office a short time later tells us that our convoluted mission has apparently been a success.

Ahh, the expressions of two lovebirds. Stoic, armored lovebirds.

So, you could say that chapter two is off to a rocky start. We partially thwarted a terrorist attack, but neither the Arishok or the Viscount are particularly happy about it. On the plus side, we helped the captain of the guard find romance and that might come in handy when the Qunari turn hostile and we need guardsmen to protect our new house. Our other companions are dropping hints that they want our help with their own personal affairs, though. I guess this is what happens when you're nice to people... 50% of the time, anyway....

Dragon Age II Playthrough - Deep Hurting

I'm going to fast forward a bit at this point, since even the main quests in Act One have gold as the primary motivation, and don't have significant bearing on the plot to come. In brief: an unscrupulous Chantry sister pays us to smuggle a Qunari mage out of the city, secretly hoping we'd be caught in the attempt. The viscount's son ran away to spend quiet nights on a beach with yet another Qunari, though he insists he was only interested in his "wisdom". There's also some more business with the Templars, what with some recruits getting abducted by blood mages, while another Templar hires us because he doesn't want a group of runaway mages to get slaughtered by an overzealous colleague. The important thing is, Chickene Hawke finally gets enough gold to become a partner in Bartrand's expedition.

Bartrand is his usual, grumpy self when we go to see him in the Merchants' District of Hightown, automatically assuming we're here to beg for a job as guards again. Then he sees Varric is with us, and realizes that this conversation is going to be a bigger headache than he thought. We shut him up by pulling out the Grey Wardens' maps of the Deep Roads plus 50 gold sovereigns to fund the expedition as his partner. Bartrand is skeptical at first, but Varric reminds him that this is exactly the opportunity he has been waiting for. The maps prove to be too valuable to refuse and he gruffly accepts our offer.

We hand him 50 gold and a legitimate treasure map, and he's complaining about it. Yeah, this guy is going to be a joy to travel with.

A few days later, Bartrand has assembled all of his hirelings and is giving an inspirational speech about deflowering the Deep Roads. It's possible we misunderstood the intent of this expedition, but it's too late to back out now. Before we can head out though, Hawke's mother shows up and begs us not to take Carver with us. Chickene is not entirely sure why she's concerned since Carver is a pain in the ass to deal with and we had no intention of bringing him. Carver is, predictably, annoyed with us because despite all his bluster about wanting to find his own path in life, he assumed he was going to be part of this Deep Roadshow. Chickene decides he just wants to make his mother happy and selects Fenris and Merrill to accompany him and Varric to the Deep Roads.

The Chantry inquisitor, Cassandra, interrupts the story again because she's convinced Hawke had some other motivation for going into the Deep Roads beyond getting rich. She also doesn't believe that it was a coincidence that we wound up working with the Grey Warden apostate, Anders. Varric ominously says that none of them knew what was waiting for us in the Deep Roads and asks Cassandra not to remind him that he was the one who introduced Hawke to Anders in the first place. Cassandra decides this is enough plot exposition for now, and lets Varric continue.

We catch up with Hawke and friends early in their expedition, where they have already found their path blocked by debris. Bartrand does not take this well, to put it mildly, and orders the whole expedition to set up camp. Varric calms him down somewhat and says he and Chickene will find a way around this bothersome little cave-in. Bartrand is too annoyed to contradict his little brother, and sends us off.

Like I said, a joy to travel with.

Before we can start exploring however, Bodahn Feddic (who has also signed on with this expedition for reasons unknown) stops us to say that his son Sandal has wandered off. Sandal is a bit whimsical in the brainpan but he has a useful talent for enchanting weapons and armor, so we tell Bodahn we'll look for the kid.

With that, we're back to the good old days of skulking through the Deep Roads and killing darkspawn, just like in the Orzammar section of Dragon Age: Origins! ...Wait, that part of the game wasn't too great. Okay, so Hawke and friends tear through the darkspawn as quickly as possible and hope they don't run into a Broodmother. Fortunately, we're nowhere near the Anvil of the Void and as promised, the horde isn't as dense as it used to be. We don't go far before we see something kinda freaky, though.

"Umm, humans? I don't want to be a bother, but... my nose REALLY itches. If one of you could just...?"

Several darkspawn are glowing with a magical white light, seemingly frozen in time. In the middle of them stands Sandal, nonchalantly scratching his ass. Chickene asks him what the hell happened and Sandal's only reply is to hand him a stone and say "boom." Chickene politely asks him to clarify but all he says is, it's "not enchantment."

We back away slowly from the increasingly creepy dwarven man-child and run straight into a dragon's lair. This beast has plenty of hit points and minions, but it's not a high dragon and it's no match for a pair of mages, an elf with anger issues and a crossbow named Bianca. Upon defeating it, we find spiffy new robes for Chickene and a tunnel that bypasses the cave-in that's holding up the expedition. Time to head back and tell Bartrand the good news, before the darkspawn change their minds about not being so annoying. We also reunite Bodahn with his son, and he says he'll find a way to repay us for this great debt he now owes us. Chickene brusquely replies that he doesn't believe this false gratitude, but Bodahn is sincere and assures us he'll think of something.

Because when someone says they owe you a great debt and want to repay you, the first thing you should do is mock them.

Now that a path has been found, the expedition continues through the Deep Roads until we reach our goal: an elaborate dwarven ruin unlike anything else we've seen underground. Bartrand, sounding dazed, says he came here based on rumors about a great treasure from a group of dwarves who barely made it out of the Deep Roads alive, but this is beyond his expectations. The expedition splits up to maximize their chances of finding precious things, including Hawke and company who head to an ancient temple of some kind. It's not long before we find something valuable... an idol made of pure lyrium. Varric grabs it, tells his brother the good news and tosses him the relic. Bartrand tells us to keep looking in a suspicious tone of voice, then seals us inside the temple.

I'm sure the ominous, evil glow of the idol has nothing to do with this sudden change of heart.

Varric curses his brother for succumbing to greed, but there's a back door to this temple and we're hoping it leads to another exit. We're also hoping that stepping foot inside this ancient temple hasn't awoken an equally ancient evil, but what kind of RPG would this be if that was true? Deeper into the ruins, we find ourselves coming under attack by the rocks themselves. Specifically, humanoid-shaped creatures made of rock shards held together with electric red magical energy. Varric identifies them as rock wraiths, but thought they were only myths. Naturally, it's only a matter of time before we run into a bigger one.

In a large antechamber, we find a big rock wraith that apparently knows how to talk. It refers to the creatures we've been fighting as the Profane and when Chickene asks what they are, it simply replies, "they hunger." We're convinced that Sinistar is somehow involved at this point and start looking around desperately for Sinibombs, until Merrill informs us this is just a hunger demon. The demon continues, saying it knows we're seeking a way out and it can provide that for us, and all it asks in return is that we allow it to continue feasting with these creatures. Chickene tells it we're not going to play its hunger game (a bad joke Merrill totally disapproves of) and we destroy it.

"You will pay for your insolence. By which I mean, the city of Kirkwall levies heavy taxes on imported dwarven artifacts."

Having defeated a demon and feeling confident that nothing else can go wrong, Hawke leads his party deeper into the temple and quickly discovers that yes, rock wraiths come in even bigger sizes. Several rocks in the next room coalesce into a large mass wearing a name tag identifying it as an "Ancient Rock Wraith" and the boss fight begins. This being can not only hit as hard as its little brothers, it can also channel its energy to create a dazzling laser light show that deals massive damage to party members' retinas if they look directly at it. Thankfully, our companions' AI is smart enough to duck behind a stone pillar with us when this attack occurs. Chickene finally makes good use of his healing spells as he and his companions put the wraith through the rock tumbler and reduce it to harmless, tastefully polished pebbles.

In the adjacent room, we discover that this ancient rock wraith had assembled a treasure collection even greater than the dragon's little horde. Varric remarks on his brother's stupidity again by saying that this is worth far more than the lyrium idol he walked away with. Shortly thereafter, we discover a path that will lead us out of the Deep Roads and back to Kirkwall with our hides and our profits fully intact. Varric is relieved, but is still hoping to stumble over Bartrand's dead body on the way out.

The game skips the long journey back to Kirkwall and takes Chickene back to Gamlen's dingy hovel in Lowtown so he can tell his mother the good news. We open the door to see Carver is here, too... and he's wearing some new, familiar-looking armor. It turns out that when we decided not to take him with us, he figured out the best way to make a name for himself in Kirkwall: as a member of the Templars. He tells us to not even bother trying to talk him out of it. Chickene assures him that he doesn't give a damn what Carver does with his life. Besides, we've done the Templars' work for them on several occasions, they've never outed us as an apostate, and they actually pay us! They're practically allies at this point; having a family member in the order just shores up that relationship. Leandra Hawke is still distraught, but we have plans to buy her something nice to cheer her up.

"Andraste's tits. I'm only upset because the ugliest of my three kids is the one I'm going to have to see every day."

Thus ends chapter one of Dragon Age II! In the next chapter, you all can look forward to the Qunari continuing to be problematic, the mages and Templars continuing to be at odds with one another, and Chickene compulsively being rude to his friends and people who need his help. Will there be romance as well? Perhaps. There's always the Blooming Rose, after all.

Dragon Age II Playthrough - On the corner of Main and Secondary

In Dragon Age II, your journal conveniently groups your quests as either main quests, secondary quests, companion quests, or premium content. This lets you know which tasks are necessary if all you want to do is advance the plot, as opposed to other odd jobs that will get you money and equipment but no closer to the next chapter in the story. Since this blog would start to run a little on the long side if I covered every single side quest in the game, I'll be talking about the main quests primarily. However, there's one secondary quest in act one become important later in the game, so I'll touch on that as well.

Chickene learned that there's an herbalist in Kirkwall who's looking for special ingredients and has offered to track some of those down in exchange for gold. One his way through the wilderness however, he happens upon a dwarf and his bodyguards being attacked by giant spiders. Since a spider's silk gland is actually on the list of things he needs to collect, Hawke and friends run forward and start squishing arachnids. They don't find the gland that they need, but the dwarf is grateful for our assistance since the bodyguards certainly didn't pull their weight. He introduces himself as Javaris Tintop and says he's been negotiating with the Arishok-- the leader of the Qunari--  about buying some of their explosives. The Arishok refused to sell but mentioned that the renegade Qunari called Tal-Vashoth  were a thorn in his side and he'd really like to see them dead. Javaris read between the lines and was hoping his bodyguards would be up to the task, but given their poor performance against spiders, he'd rather hire us instead.

"I'll have you know I am no mere amateur, ser! I attended the Recluse Institute for Ambush Tactics and received a 4.0 GPA!"

Hoping this promise of coin will actually come to fruition, Chickene takes Fenris, Varric and Merrill to the location on the Wounded Coast where the Tal-Vashoth are said to be camped. We can tell we're getting close when we hear a stern voice telling us to go back. This one doesn't want to kill us, though. As we approach the camp, the Qunari shows himself and says the Tal-Vashoth ahead are dangerous. We kindly point out that this is the reason we're here. He says we're free to proceed; he only came to warn us.

Apparently he's a renegade Qunari too, which technically makes him a Tal-Vashoth, but he doesn't agree with these particular Tal-Vashoth. He wouldn't mind seeing them dead but seems to think killing them would still be like slaying his brothers. Annoyed, Chickene says they won't be able to question his morality if they're dead. Our new friends decides this is wisdom somehow, and says he'll help us kill them.

The ensuing fight goes faster with an extra sword on our side, and we head to the Kirkwall docks afterwards to meet up with Javaris. The Qunari have a compound here where they are supposedly waiting for a ship to take them home. That's been their story for the better part of a year, though. Anyway, Javaris tells the Qunari to get the Arishok and we see a giant man with massive horns walk in. Fenris greets him in his native language and the Arishok grumbles that an elf reciting the Qun is madness.

"If you make a 'this is Sparta' joke, you will not leave this encampment alive."

Javaris ignores this and says the Tal-Vashoth are dead, so he'd like to buy some explosives now. The Arishok says no. Our dwarf tells Fenris to try talking to him and we let him go right ahead. He politely asks the Arishok to clarify and he tells us the dwarf imagined the deal. Fenris apologizes and offers to kill the dwarf, which certainly takes Javaris by surprise. Luckily for him, the Arishok tells us that if we killed Tal-Vashoth, he's not worthy to be killed by us. We bluntly tell Javaris he should leave before the Qunari change their minds. He storms off without giving us any gold for our trouble.

That's another job we didn't get paid for, crossed off our list. Chickene decides to change tactics and try a quest with no promise of coin, since the so-called paying jobs aren't actually a sure thing. While visiting Merrill in the Alienage, we overhear an elf woman talking to a Templar about her runaway half-elf son. Apparently, he's been showing signs of magic affinity in the form of nightmares. She's concerned about him, but is also concerned by what the Templars might do if they find him. When we come over to see what's wrong, she asks us to try to find him. Chickene dismissively points out that she doesn't even know him and she says she's desperate. So, Chickene compassionately says he'll do everything he can.

"You seem mentally unstable. Then again, you're not a Templar. Good enough for me."

Mom thinks the kid may have tried to get in touch with his human father, who abandoned him as a youth. We think it's more likely that the Templars already have a good idea where he went. So, we head out to Templar HQ (delightfully called "The Gallows") with Varric and Fenris but ask Aveline to come instead of Merrill. There, we meet Ser Thrask, the Templar who was talking to Feynriel's mother earlier. He's hesitant to provide info when we ask nicely but when we sternly tell him that a missing kid should be the city guards' job, Aveline backs us up.

He provides us with the location of a Lowtown resident named Seamus who's been known to help mages escape Kirkwall. We find him and ask nicely again to start, but when he plays dumb we threaten him and the memory of Feynriel magically comes back. He tried to put him and a lady mage in touch with a captain he thought he could trust, but he turned out to be a slaver. We find ourselves being directed to yet another part of the city, as the captain has a warehouse on the docks.

Upon fighting our way through the warehouse, we find that-- sure enough-- Feynriel's not here either. We find the lady mage Seamus mentioned but she kind of turns into an abomination, so there'll be no reward for her rescue. There are two notes among the pile of dead bodies we created, though. The first is from the lady mage to her father: Ser Thrask of the Templars. That could be useful. The second note is from the slaver boss, detailing how Feynriel was moved to a cave on the Wounded Coast because OF COURSE HE WAS.

The cave is somewhere in this general area. Our plan is to just go there, find some bandits and ask them for directions.

With sore legs and plenty of frustration, we head to the Wounded Coast. We finally find Feynriel, alongside a slaver who is holding a knife to his throat and telling us we should leave. Chickene no longer has the patience for negotiation, so he lets Varric take the lead. The dwarf feeds the slavers a ridiculous story about how Feynriel is the viscount's secret love child. We ready ourselves for the attack but unbelievably, the slavers buy it. They not only let Feynriel go, they also toss us a coinpurse as a peace offering.

Finally rescued, Feynriel decides to try his luck living with the Dalish. We get a trinket from his mother as thanks, and we also get gold from Ser Thrask once we extort him with the letter from his apostate daughter. Not the nicest thing to do, but not enough jobs have been paying off lately and we still need the gold for the expedition. All things considered, finding that missing person was relatively profitable, so Chickene and his party head to Hightown next to talk to a man who reported his wife missing.

I'm not a not a violent man... 100% of the time... but this guy is asking for a knife in the throat.

Ghyslain de Carrac is a reprehensible man who doesn't really care if his wife Ninette is happy, as long as her family stops accusing him of killing her off. Chickene mocks his poor morals, then promises to bring her back safely. Our first stop is the Blooming Rose, where Ninette has been shamelessly spending time with the young men working there since Ghyslain is that bad as a husband. One of her favorites, an elf named Jethann, says a Templar named Ser Emeric took an interest in the disappearance and we should see if he's found anything. We track him to Darktown, where we see that all he's found is a group of thugs that are trying to beat him up and steal his shiny armor.

After getting rid of the thugs, we have a talk with Ser Emeric. He tells us that Ninette is just one woman who has disappeared recently and based on his investigation of a missing mage lady, he thinks they may be connected. The mage's trail ends at a foundry in Lowtown that he hasn't checked out yet, but after getting beat down by the thugs, he's in no shape to go there. He decides to hand over his notes and let us go in his stead before the trail goes cold. We seem to be doing the Templars' work for them pretty regularly all of a sudden. Hopefully, we'll find something that lets us extort this guy, too.

"I HEARD that. ...Maker, I'm getting too old for this crap."

Unfortunately, all we find at the foundry is a desire demon and a lot of human remains. We spot a human mage running away from the scene, but by the time we defeat the demon and root through the body parts for valuables, that mage is long gone. Ninette and the mage Ser Emeric was tracking are almost certainly dead and the only consolation we have to offer Ghyslain, spouse of the year, is Ninette's ring. He accepts this when we get back to Hightown as something that will satisfy her relatives, and we insult him one last time before taking his gold. Ser Emeric also pays us for our efforts, and we didn't even have to threaten him this time.

Things could have gone better, but Chickene is finally getting a decent amount of coin saved up to buy his way into the Tethras' brothers scheme. In the next update, we'll be going into the Deep Roads themselves, where nothing could possibly go wrong!

Dragon Age II Playthrough - A Man of Good Characters

Flemeth's amulet has been burning a hole in Chickene Hawke's pocket, possibly due to some kind of fire spell that was designed to go off if he went an entire year without delivering the thing as promised. In any case, it's time to take this thing to Sundermount as we were instructed. As luck would have it, Aveline has also identified a site near Sundermount as the next likely target for a bandit raid. So, we head out of the city of Kirkwall to accomplish those tasks.

The ambush site is a winding path surrounded by steep, rocky slopes to ensure we don't stray from the locations where we're supposed to run into enemies. Aveline refers to them as "stragglers" but there's an awful lot of them considering we haven't reached the actual ambush yet. The groups are well-organized too, containing a mix of rogues, swordsmen and archers. We eventually hack our way through every bandit on the path and Aveline remarks that they were not just organized but well-equipped. In any case, our work is done for now and she tells us we'll have to head to the guard barracks later to be rewarded.

"Oh, and we really should pose triumphantly now that justice has prevailed. It's a thing that heroes just do."

For now, it's on to Sundermount itself. We approach the foot of the mountain and are met by two Dalish elven scouts who tell us to go away because we're human. Chickene is annoyed and says he'll leave as soon as his business is done. The lady Dalish, being the smarter of the two, realizes their Keeper told us we were coming and takes us to see her. Keeper Marethari is an older elf in mage robes and Chickene decides to be polite to her, saying he was instructed to deliver this amulet by a witch who saved his life. She tells us we were expected and our task is not yet done. We must travel up the mountain with her apprentice (or "First" as the Dalish say), perform a funeral ritual on the amulet and take the apprentice back to Kirkwall with us before our debt is paid. Chickene thinks this is too much work and he doesn't need any help, but Marethari insists.

We head up the mountain path to find a young, skinny Dalish lass who is TOTALLY NOT doing magic as we approach. She awkwardly introduces herself as Merrill and asks us for our name as long as that's not rude. Fortunately for her, Chickene is temporarily in a good mood and says it's nice to meet her before switching back to grumpy and telling her to get moving. We do so, but it's not long before we run into the walking dead... which is a problem for Chickene because he has an ice staff equipped and these corpses are highly resistant to cold. Merrill, however, starts slinging fireballs and confesses after the fight is over that she is a mage, actually. Chickene is just glad she helped out though, and we continue.

In Ultimate X-Men issue 17, Psylocke describes the Welsh like this: "Picture the Scots without the sex appeal or the Irish without the laughs and you've pretty much got them nailed."
Merrill is voiced by Eve Myles, who is essentially Wales' unbeatable counter-argument to that sex appeal remark.

Further up the mountain, we find a cave and another Dalish scout who isn't happy to see Merrill. He remarks that the Keeper finally found someone to take her off the clan's hands and tells us to finish our business quickly because he'll be happy to see her leave. Merrill loiters uncertainly after he leaves and we bark at her that the dialogue scene is over. We press on, but she stops again shortly after to apologize because we're not seeing the Dalish at their best. Chickene asks if she's okay and she says she'll be fine. We enter the cave, kill some spiders, and emerge on the other side to find a glowing barrier blocking our path. Merrill casually says she can deal with this, slits her hand open with a knife and uses blood magic to dispel the barrier. Carver asks if that was what he thinks it is and Merrill says she just summoned a spirit to help. Chickene aggressively tells her to call it a demon, because that's what it is. Merrill's brilliant comeback is: demons can't help the fact that they're demons!

Well, damn. We have no way to respond to that. So, we proceed into the graveyard and are predictably attacked by more corpses before we reach an altar on a cliff overlooking the foothills below. Merrill takes the amulet and recites an incantation, at which point there is a surge of magical energy. The light coalesces into a human form and we find ourselves looking once again... at Flemeth herself. Merrill curtsies and greets her while Chickene stammers that she should have told us that we were carrying her, not just her amulet. Flemeth says she didn't trick us, it was just a lie of omission. She then says she has places to be but leaves us with a word of advice: the world is on the precipice of change. When the moment comes, we should not hesitate to leap. Chickene asks what the hell she means by that. She replies that we should do what she does and turn into a dragon. Then she looks directly at the camera and says, "just kidding! You can't turn into a dragon in this game!" before turning into a dragon and flying off... just to rub it in our faces.

Because if you're a centuries-old witch, haven't you earned the right to troll people every now and then?

We return to the Dalish camp and Marethari asks Merrill if she's sure she won't reconsider. Merrill is determined to leave though, so we head back to Kirkwall. Lowtown has its own elven alienage where her people live in squalor, and Merrill is shocked because she obviously hadn't pictured this when she thought about leaving her clan. Varric tries to cheer her up by saying at least you can't see the giant chains from the alienage, while Chickene tells her to deal with it because this is city life and he didn't want to bring her in the first place. She says she'll make do but asks if we'll visit her later because she could use a friend. Chickene says he can manage that.

First, however, we need to collect that bounty that Aveline has promised us from the city guard. We head back to the Viscount's Keep and Aveline confidently tells us to wait while she informs her superior of her initiative. Chickene hears a great deal of yelling on the other side of the door after Aveline is finished, with Captain Jeven telling her to get back to her post before he has us all arrested. We brusquely tell her she can handle a lot more yelling than we thought. Ignoring this, Aveline wonders why Jeven would care which guard took out the bandits and Chickene kindly suggests we check the duty roster to find out. As we're researching that, another lady guard comes up to thank Aveline for taking her patrol... because she was scheduled to go out there alone carrying the guards' pay and some important documents. Said delivery is scheduled again for tonight and we see that another guard has been slated for a solitary patrol, this time through Lowtown in the middle of the night.

This is the look of an NPC who just found out that he's not one of the guardsmen that gets to hang out and repeat the same five lines of dialogue all day.

We proceed to the patrol route and find that guardsman Donnic has already been beat down by some well-organized, well-equipped thugs that seem oddly familiar. It turns out they're linked to a criminal organization called the Coterie and Donnic was carrying some documents that would have been very useful to them. Aveline helps Donnic to his feet and they share an awkward moment before he explains the Jeven told him it should have been a quiet patrol. Chickene suggests that if Jeven tried to have a guard killed, we should try to kill him right back but Aveline says that's not how she does things. We head back to the Viscount's Keep so she can make her report.

A short time later, Captain Jeven is being dragged away by two guards while he calls Aveline a Fereldan bitch. The Viscount's seneschal, Bran, tells us they uncovered debts to some unsavory figures and it will take some time to restore public confidence in the guard. Since Aveline proved herself to be lawful and upstanding however, he informs her that she will be given the training and support to become the new captain of the guard. This is something of a shock to everyone but Bran assures her that while the process will take months, she had best get her affairs in order because she'll be quite busy soon.

"Calm down, Jeven, it's not worth it! Just be cool and maybe they'll make you a recurring antagonist!"

What Chickene takes away from this, however, is that he's not getting paid for taking down those bandits like Aveline promised. So, we're going to try following up on a lead that was passed on to us by our former master, Meeran. Apparently, a dwarf named Anso is looking for some help and the Red Iron don't want to deal with him so he thought we might be interested in following up instead. We find him in Lowtown late at night and he's clearly jumpy; not because of the constant threat of bandits but because he only came to the surface recently and he's still convinced the sky is going to swallow him up. Varric laughs and says Bartrand went through that phase, too. Anso eventually tells us that he had some valuable cargo to sell to the Templars that is TOTALLY NOT lyrium, but it was stolen and he needs someone to take it back. He has their location, in a shack in Lowtown's alienage, so we head there straight away.

The smugglers prove to be unchallenging for Chickene and his fellows, and he confidently opens a large treasure chest to find it... completely empty. Annoyed to discover that another simple job has gone sour, he stomps out of the shack to find Anso... only to be met by a large group of warriors from Tevinter. They don't know who we are, but something they want is supposed to be in the shack we just exited, so they attack us. This group is more difficult than the smugglers, but the points I've been investing into Chickene's healing magic pay off. We try to retreat from the Alienage after defeating the group, only to run into a Tevinter lieutenant who tells us we're going nowhere and orders an ambush. No one shows up, though... except for one Tevinter warrior coughing up blood who collapses at the lieutenant's feet.

And here comes the dangerous but kinda sexy elf that serves as Merrill's male counterpart!

A mysterious elf with white hair and bluish white tattoos informs the Tevinter lieutenant that he has failed. The lieutenant calls him a slave and tells him to shut up. The elf replies that he's not a slave and drives the point home with an armored fist through his chest. The lieutenant, bleeding profusely, has no counter-argument to offer as he dies. The elf apologizes to us as and introduces himself as Fenris as he bends down to loot the lieutenant's body, explaining that he asked Anso to hire someone to distract the Tevinter warriors and he hadn't expected them to attack us so aggressively. Chickene is okay with this for now. Fenris goes on to say that these men were sent after him by a Tevinter magister named Danarius and we need to go kill him in his Hightown manor now. Chickene demands to know if he's actually getting paid for this. Fenris promises to give all the coin he has if we help him do this, which is good enough for Chickene.

We head into a Hightown manor shortly thereafter and, judging by all the magical traps and fade spirits being summoned, it looks like a nasty mage has definitely been here. The path through the manor is winding thanks to all the locked doors but we eventually find the main hall and a key to open the door to the room where Danarius is believed to be hiding. Opening the door summons even bigger and nastier fade spirits but when the dust has settled, we find no trace of a living person within the manor. Disgusted, Fenris tells us we can loot the place to our heart's content, but he needs some air. We're more than happy to have Varric pick the locks on some chests for us since selling Danarius' stuff is probably all the pay we're getting at this point.

"Hard to believe he just left it abandoned like this. Didn't his mother ever tell him to mind his manors?"

When we head back outside to talk to Fenris, it turns out he's disappointed not just because his former master escaped his vengeance but because he realized he's in the company of another mage. Being from Tevinter, where mages used their power to force normal people to accept their rulership, Fenris harbors a grudge against magic-users in general. He acknowledges that we're not Danarius though, and says he'll work with us while he's waiting for his final confrontation. Chickene assures Fenris he's just trying to get by, not dominate others, then rudely asks if his existence is going to be inconvenient for Fenris. The elf takes this in stride, and tells us he's just going to crash in this Hightown manor and wait for Danarius to come and try to reclaim it. Lastly, he does give us some coin for our trouble so that makes him slightly better than Aveline in Chickene's book right now.

All work and no play makes Chickene a dull protagonist though, so he heads back to the Hanged Man to spend some of that coin on questionable ale. There's an incident at the bar that's going to make things difficult, though. Three mercenaries are harassing a busty woman with no pants, possibly because there's a dress code in this tavern that she's not adhering to. As we get closer, we hear that she hired them to bring her information that turned out to be worthless, so she's refusing to pay. They aren't taking no for an answer, so she starts a brawl and thrashes the men easily. Taking note of us, she introduces herself as Isabela and says she has a job for us: she challenged an old "friend" named Hayder to a one-on-one duel tonight but she doesn't expect him to play fair and needs backup. Looks like we won't be having that drink after all.

"I can't promise you gold for this job but with a rack like this, I don't believe I need to."

Returning to Hightown, we rendezvous with Isabela on the street where the duel's supposed to happen, but all we find are hired goons. They don't last much longer than the chumps she beat up in the tavern, and we find a note from Hayder telling the goons they can meet him in the Chantry once the job is done. Naturally, we rush to the Chantry to make sure we can catch Hayder before he realizes his henchmen are dead. He's waiting for us when we enter and confidently tells Isabela he expected her to live, but now it's time for her to repay Castilon for the slaves she freed and the talisman she stole. Chickene doesn't know who the hell Castilon is, but he didn't come here to be threatened. Isabela agrees, and throws a dagger directly into the neck of one of the thugs standing next to Hayder. Things go downhill for him from there. One bloody mess later, Isabela pays us and thanks us for our help. She says she has more ideas for how we can work together, possibly in the bedroom, and she'll be at the Hanged Man if we'd like to take her up on that.

So, Chickene is a little bit richer but still several gold coins away from the fifty he needs to become Bartrand's business partner. What we do have, however, is three new adventuring companions. Aveline, Carver and Fenris are all warriors, while Isabela and Varric are our available rogues, and Anders and Merrill are backup mages along with Chickene himself. They all have their hangouts in the city of Kirkwall too, and you can have unique dialogue with them there during certain points in the game. Unlike Dragon Age: Origins, where companions only received bonuses to their abilities if they liked you, these characters gain a benefit if they're your friend, and a different benefit if they're your rival. Unfortunately, since Chickene takes a bipolar approach toward conversation, most character attitudes are hovering around neutral right now.

"It's so nice to see you again, Merrill NO I WON'T DRINK YOUR WATER! NOT EVEN ON A DARE!"

With all possible companions recruited, our attention turns toward the many quests still available from Varric's contacts throughout the city. Shall we try to find the runaway mage who's plagued by nightmares? Or maybe help the awful man who's looking for his missing wife? Perhaps the dwarf who wants to negotiate with the Qunari for some black powder is a better option? Only one thing is for certain: after the way today's quests turned out, Chickene will be lucky if he gets some coin for accomplishing any of those tasks.